“Why is everybody just pointing fingers?” We’ve all had those days when professional and personal goals have been thwarted by all parties blaming each other. Consequently, we claim that we are a victim of an injustice, or we had an ethical right to something we did not get, or that we deserved something better than this viscous cycle of blame. Almost always, the resulting mood is resentment and anger.

How does this happen and what can we do when we’re the person surrounded by ‘blame mongers’? The cycle usually begins with the parties that were to provide the service or satisfy the request claim that the initial request was not clear or misunderstood. The original requestor can make the accusation that someone, or a functional department, or even the whole world, blocked the success possibilities in their life. This cycle of conversation does nothing but reinforce permanence of the blaming process.

When you want to break out of this blame cycle, recognize that there are emotional reaction statements such as, when a glass gets broken people react by blaming themselves, “It had to be me,” “It’s always me…” However, the motivation of others can move them to blame the world, “Who left the glass there?” “Why didn’t they say where they left it?” And, there are people that are immediately action-oriented and take responsibility for everything in the world with: “How can I fix it?” “Don’t worry, I’ll clean it up.” In some cases excuses emerge, “How was I supposed to know?” “They didn’t tell me that!”

If you think you’re caught up in the endless cycle of blame without resolution, ask yourself:

• If you were the original requestor, did you define all the elements clearly, such as, what is the exact item or product I want, possible color & size, quantity, timeframe of the delivery, and resulting consequences if none of these are satisfied?
• When you don’t get the results you want, what was the mood you approached the provider in, anger, hostility, guilt? If this was a family member, are there certain operating standards they’re not conforming to as traditionally practiced by your family and you’re disappointed?
• In the request process, are there language or cultural differences that impacted the outcome, such as, did you expect a product delivery on a religious holiday that is not observed by you?
• If you’re the ‘fixer’ of all blame situations, how can you pass authority back to yourself to let others help resolve the situation? What conversations will you have with others acknowledging their contribution so far and go forward to achieve the outcome you want?

“The most imaginative people are the most credulous, for them everything is possible.” ~Alexander Chase