My colleagues and I have spoken on this topic at a few organizations, and the response has been incredible. I think it’s because it feels so fake to go out into a room of strangers and try to “project an image.” It’s such a relief to learn a more comfortable, genuine, and effective use of your networking time.

Here are the principles, for you to use and enjoy!

1. Only pursue networking contacts you genuinely like and want to get to know better.
“Decision-makers” tolerate your sales pitch about as much as you tolerate those dinnertime telemarketers. Connect with people you are naturally interested in, get to know each other, and enjoy your conversations. These are the people who will remember you, and mention your name when they run into someone who can get value from what you have to offer.

2. Help others because you want to – not just to get something in return.
Most people you can help right now aren’t in the position to immediately return the favor. But they will remember what you did for them. In the meantime, make sure that when you extend yourself, you realize an intrinsic benefit, such as the joy of helping someone succeed, or the excitement of connecting people. Make networking “deposits” that are easy, fun, and in line with your priorities. Over time, your more tangible “pay offs” will be nice surprises that seem to come out of nowhere!

3. When you have a business request or favor to ask, make it easy to say yes – and easy to say no.
People are naturally guarded when you present an idea or offer. If you make it easy to say no, they are much more willing to consider what you have to say. If you make it easy for them to say yes, then it won’t take much time or energy for them to help you out. Showing respect for their choices and time goes a long way towards building trust and a valuable business relationship.

4. Know your personal branding message so well that you effortlessly communicate it without thinking.
Whether it’s your “seven second introduction” or your “thirty-second elevator speech”, a rehearsed speech sounds like a rehearsed speech. You definitely need a short message that conveys your value succinctly. But once you’ve developed it, practice it until it is no longer a speech, but a natural part of your conversation. You will end up with many variations and examples, each making a strong impression, because you’ve applied them to specific situations.

5. Spend 80% of your time at an event listening and learning – 20% talking or selling.
Your number one goal when meeting a new person should be to find out enough about them to know how you want to follow up. When you listen, you learn about people’s goals, problems, and needs, which is the true key to determining how you can provide value. Helping your contacts achieve their goals – even their small ones --creates the foundation for a strong network, rich with information and resources when you are ready to ask.

6. Enjoy yourself, and others will enjoy you.
People are so worried about making a good impression that they forget to enjoy themselves. You don’t have to be the table comedian, but letting people see your human side invites people to relate to you on a personal level. This lighter and more natural interaction breeds friendships, and a genuine desire to help each other succeed.

7. Consistent follow up is your key to success.
It’s very difficult to be “memorable” at a networking event. And even if you make an earth-shattering first impression, nothing will happen if there isn’t a second and third impression. Most of the time, networking contacts warm up to each other and share information after the third or fourth meeting. You can make more of an impact by sending a short e-mail to a few people a day or two after the event than by any impression you make at the event itself.

So what does all this mean? You don’t need to aggressively push your product, service, agenda, or needs onto strangers in order to make networking a productive, efficient, and powerfully effective tool in your professional life. Try it this way – enjoy the process, and the results!

Copyright @2006 Nahid Casazza www.aspyrre.com

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Magic and Coaching
by Philip H. Henderson

Coaching is my sixth career. In 1999, I had just completed eight-years as Dean of Operations and Finance at UC Irvine Extension. When I left UC Irvine my outplacement coach, Andrew Johnson, encouraged me to become a leadership coach. Choosing this career, I could combine my three passions of ethics, magic, and human consciousness in one new career.

As a magician, it is important for me to gain 100% of my audience’s attention. I want the people watching me perform to see everything I do. When the audience is certain they have seen everything, when the magic occurs, they are convinced that it was “real magic” and not a “trick.” The strongest magic trick is one that occurs in the hands of the spectator. In that instance, the spectator is convinced that the magician did not do anything tricky because, for example, the cards were in the spectator’s hands all the time. How could the magician influence what happened?

When I am coaching a client, I want the “magic” to occur in the hands of my client. I do not want my client to think that I “fixed” them. I want very little credit for the part that I play so that my client feels independent and capable of making his or her own choices without me present.

I define three types of magic. The first is magic performed by an entertainer. Classical magicians wore a top hat and cape and used a magical wand to make things disappear and reappear somewhere else. The second magic is that performed by a technician. For example, when your computer breaks and your local geek squad comes to the rescue. The work the geeks perform is like magic to us ordinary mortals. The third type of magic I call “real magic.”

Real magic is what happens when you look into the eyes of your two-year-old child and know that you will always love her. It is what happens when two people meet for the first time and one person does a good deed for the other knowing they are likely never to meet again. Real magic occurs when one person performs a loving act just because. When I am coaching, I practice real magic. I always want to give more to my clients than they ever imagined they might receive from their work with me.

I want my client to cease to use my services as quickly as possible; only then am I serving my client’s needs before my own. Typically, I want to serve my clients for no more than six months. I want to send them off using the magic we discovered together to produce their own magic in their lives without needing my active support.

I devised several practical exercises that my clients report feels like real magic. When my clients follow the simple instructions in the exercises I provide for them, they experience unexpected pleasure. Simple, however, is not easy. The exercises I offer my clients all have a base taken straight from performance magic. These exercises are hard to do correctly just as magic tricks are hard to do. The hard work of my clients allows them to experience the magic of change occurring due to their own efforts of self-discovery.

I want my clients to define the playing field and tell me (and their self) exactly where they desire to go with me as their coach. Asking clients to choose their goals is an interesting exercise. They want to become better leaders but they don’t know what they need to know to become better leaders. As their coach, I devise exercises that allow them to see their possible futures, sort of like a magician making predictions.

I offer my clients the Five Envelope Exercise (F.E.E.) to surprise them into writing a Mission and Legacy Statement. I give my clients F.E.E. and tell them this exercise will help them write the first draft of their Mission and Legacy Statement. It is hard for most people to write the first words of such an important document.

F.E.E. gives my client a jumpstart to getting the first draft on paper. For five consecutive days, my client opens a new envelope and follows the instructions found therein. The exercises are designed to cause my client to spend much of the next five days mulling the important issues that define who they are and who they want to become. I obtained the idea of five envelopes directly from the practice of magic. Many magicians who perform “mentalism magic” use prediction envelopes to do their magic. The five envelopes in F.E.E. serve the same purpose for my clients.

The important part of the magic is that it happens in their “hands” so to speak. I am not present when they open the envelopes. I only give general instructions about what they are to do. My client does the work independent of me and they become the magician who produces something wonderful using their own wisdom and knowledge. The Mission and Legacy Statement is a powerful tool for my clients.

My clients are thrilled with the guidance the Mission and Legacy Statement gives them. This document is often framed and posted on their office wall; some clients attach theirs to the refrigerator door; and many carry the document in their wallet or purse for easy reference.

The point of the Mission and Legacy Statement is to guide my clients to accomplish the most meaningful goals that define who they are as a person. The purpose of the statement is to articulate clearly the actions that give meaning to their lives that is a huge gift to my clients. This simple exercise becomes “real magic” for my clients!

You don’t have to be a performing magician to create magic in the life of your clients. The reason my magic works is because I care about the welfare of my clients and place their growth and development first in my work with them. Inevitably, I learn from my clients but that is merely a byproduct of my work for them.

Caring for my clients is the best magic I can perform any day of the week. Each coach brings something special from his or her background that is magic when used to help a client. Your background could be in counseling, human resources, or recruiting, the essential character is the same, you are a lover of people. Your gift becomes real magic in the lives of your clients.