Isn’t this decade one of the most exciting to be alive? Not only in the domestic USA, but in Germany, Italy, even South Africa, many of us have complex professional lives, bursting family schedules, cellular technologies to stay connected, even commitments with spiritual organizations. We could define ourselves as a generation really in the ‘Fast Lane’. The majority of us chain errands together and conduct our obligations at faster and faster rates, as Trekkies would say, at ‘warp speed’. In all this, have you noticed what the volume of multi-tasking and continuous cell phone use is doing to our individual levels of patience, tolerance, even our social graces?

Next time you’re in your community, try observing other people as they fulfill their tasks and errands. Do you see demonstrations of impatience over instances such as, people in cross walks not hurrying enough, people at the post office taking more time mailing overseas packages; and, folks with disabilities trying to use the payment machines in the grocery stores? You may see exhibitions of personal space crowding, verbal ticking noises; and unfortunately, actual personal confrontations. What are we, as social beings, risking or losing in our efforts to do the most in the least amount of time?

Multi-tasking is not all wrong but, let’s examine what is truly achievable and the negative consequences. Researchers at the University of Michigan have concluded that individuals that multi-task between 5 or more tasks, which most embrace as the key to success, is instead a formula for shoddy work, mismanaged time, rote solutions, stress, loss of social graces and forgetfulness. The resulting penalties can be car crashes, kitchen fires, forgotten children, near misses in the skies; and, a perceived lack of caring in personal relationships and family caring. Also, prolonged periods of extreme multi-tasking can lead to shorter attention spans, poorer judgment and impaired memory. For the elderly (50 +), these symptoms begin to create a belief that they are developing the early signs of dementia or Alzheimer’s. Or, as parents and spouses teeter on the edge of overload, they snap with impatient responses such as, "I can't-deal-with-this-right-now!” Reactions such as these damage the foundations of trust that bond people together.

Next time you catch yourself multi-tasking between too many responsibilities, ask yourself:

• What relationships are you at the risk of losing trust or a total loss because every meeting or conversation is conducted in haste? And possibly not at your best?
• How can you harness impatience when all the steps are not defined from professional projects or community meetings in a matter of minutes? What actions can you take to facilitate closure instead of fuming, such as, offer to set the next meeting, ask your participants to each take a task from your efforts & complete by a specific date, etc.?
• How can you practice ‘stillness’ each day to keep yourself aware of others and a part of centering for yourself? Or has ‘stillness’ given rise to the feeling of vulnerability, so you don’t visit it often?
• What personal or family quality time events will you sacrifice just so that you can appear at more than one “ego” event in the same day?
• Have you made a promise to yourself and broken it, such as, the allowance of time for yourself? Consequently, you feel angry and impatient with yourself. If so, can you re-negotiate that promise to yourself? Are you willing to?
• How can you revise your daily calendar so that you can prioritize which tasks can fall into another day, allowing some breathing space in your daily schedule?
• What obligations can you delegate to others, even to your children, so that you have relief from the sole ownership of every task in the day, in the week, in the house?
• If you are experiencing bouts of forgetfulness or excess impatience, how can you pause to examine the pace of your own ‘fast-lane’ activities? Who is going to (who do you think will) take responsibility for your well-being besides you?
• If you are in the Sandwich Generation with both children at home and aging parents, is it time to consider outside assistance such as, visiting physical therapists or faith (soul) based companions?
• What changes can you make to your personal calendar enabling you to practice periods of silent walking or some other means of connecting with whatever you believe your source to be?

“And when is there time to remember, to sift, to weigh, to estimate, to total?” Tillie Olsen

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Family: A Coaching Perspective
b y Daniel Holmes

Last week I spent some time with a group of coaches talking about family in regards to coaching. What was generated was some poignant insight around the concept of family for coaches and their clients: We are all part of a family and so are our clients. This may sound overly pedestrian, but when you take the time to really be with the concept of family you may actually broaden your worldview, which then broadens your perspective of your clients.

“Family is the nucleus of civilization.” –James Durant

When you think about it, Family is at the center of our culture here in the United States and really, the whole world. When something goes well or something goes sideways, our first communication is usually to family. The phone lines are always max-ed out on major holidays (usually centered around family) and when disaster strikes. We all want to call home with good news or to make sure everyone is okay. For many of us the word home holds a special place in our lives. From the time we are born, family is usually the first social structure we perceive and experience. From home and family we can get a sense of comfort, belonging, and safety. In essence, family is a significant part of our human culture; it connects us to each other and allows us to deepen the meaning of our lives.

We use the word family freely with other social structures as well. There are our nuclear families, our extended families, and then other communal groups that we refer to as family. We use words like brotherhood, sisterhood to rally behind and gain connection. We use family to describe our race, creed, and social and political affiliations. We are a family of coaches. The concept of family is shared by almost every individual across the globe. After all, our species puts us in the family of human beings.

It is not really a question of whether family is important to an individual or not. There are some who don’t feel warm and fuzzy about family. But, the fact remains, whether we are working our way back home or pushing our heritage away, family is an integral part of our human experience. Accepting this may be a strong first step in understanding ourselves and our clients’ desired outcomes.

The opportunity to bring family into the conversation with your clients doesn’t have to be about Family Coaching. Obviously you will spend most of your time talking about the family systems when you specialize in this domain, but more importantly it is about seeing the client’s entire world and where they stand in relationship to their culture.

One day I was working on the phone with a woman regarding her capabilities in a business wherein our conversation became very focused and challenged. I could hear her mind wrestling, trying to break free from the “stuckness.” Just as it seemed she would once again surrender to her mental block, her voice changed. It became lighter and happy.

“Hi, honey. I’ll be done in a minute.” Her daughter was home from school. I could hear her teenage voice relaying some type of excitement. Then I heard my client shout, “Honey, that’s great! I can’t believe it! Wow, I’m so proud of you!”

My joyous client begged off the phone for a minute to be with her daughter and this “good news.” I was happy for the break it provided as she took the time to really enjoy her daughter’s positive energy. And that’s when it hit me square between the eyes. I said to myself, “Wow. My client is a mom!”

This is what I call a “Duh” moment. A “Duh” moment is not the same as an “Aha” moment of major revelation. A “Duh” moment is more about realizing something quite obvious that you can’t believe you forgot. Sometimes when we are on a particular path, we can forget to fly up to that thirty thousand foot level to see the wholeness of any situation. This focused attention happens to all of humanity, clients, doctors, grocery clerks, and yes, coaches, too. This particular “Duh” moment was a thankful gift.

As I listened to the excitement and joy and confidence my client “mom” was sharing with her daughter, I realized that I was coaching only part of this person. I was neglecting all the qualities and capabilities that came effortlessly and abundantly through her role as a Mother. Okay, so maybe it was an “Aha” moment for me as from that point on, I keep the awareness around “whole person coaching” in the forefront of my practice.

You can imagine what transpired with my client over the next few sessions. She began to hold her “mom” qualities and capabilities and apply them to her business life, which became less challenging and more meaningful to her. Her family life also improved as the stress in her job subsided. Of course, it doesn’t always work this magically but looking at the roles we play in our family lives can shed a ton of light on our values, and our purpose, and what we want to communicate to the world.

The Family Role Process

So what about your clients? Let’s just think about one of your clients right now and what family means to them. If you prefer, you can ask yourself the following questions:

What family roles does your client play in their life?
(There are most likely many: Mother, sister, daughter, cousin, granddaughter.)

What is the most prominent role for this particular client?
(The role they are most proud of.)

What qualities are evident to support this prominent role?

From these simple questions you can acquire a wealth of information about this person or yourself. Not only will you be able to glean what is important to them, you can also get a sense of what they think their purpose is on this planet and begin to understand what they want to communicate to the world. At the end of the discussion with these coaches from all different specialties, one of our “Sisters” shared that she cannot look at her clients the same way ever again. That she will be ultimately curious about how this person fits into their own family and what impact that has in this world. From the family perspective, I am inspired and curious about how this family of coaches fits into and impacts this world.

Daniel is Family Coach and Certified Experiential Trainer in Los Angeles California and is teaching a Certified Family Coach Program in October of this year. For more information visit www.resourcerealizations.com or email him directly at MyFamilyCoach@aol.com to receive an advanced copy of Daniel’s audio CD “Family on My Mind: Stories and Coaching from a large forehead.