As coaches, we spend a lot of time learning the fundamentals of coaching.

However, many coaches do not spend nearly as much time on the business of coaching as they should. The fact is that if you work for yourself, you are running a business and a sales and marketing operation first and a coaching practice second.

To be successful as a coach you must sell yourself and your coaching to your clients. You must present yourself as an expert in your field.

One option is to attend a coach training school and obtain ICF certification. This does help you demonstrate a basic level of competence. It does not help you stand out in the field since many coaches hold certifications and have attended coaching school.

Two very powerful options to show expertise are to write books and articles and to speak to professional and civic organizations.

Most people regard writing or speaking as difficult or impossible tasks. Many people are afraid to stand in front of an audience and say anything. Many people believe that there is no way they have enough material to write an article, much less a book.

Writers have several options. You can write it yourself and have a professional editor edit it (a must even for professionals), or you can hire a ghost writer to write it for you. If you write just one page a day, you will have written 365 pages in just a year. There are also many writer’s conferences every year where writers gather to exchange ideas, learn craft and meet editors and agents.

Speakers also have options.

To learn the basics of public speaking, to overcome the fear of speaking, and to gain confidence on stage, Toastmasters is the best alternative. You can get all the information you need and search for clubs at www.toastmasters.org.

National Speakers Association has apprentice memberships and a fast track program that will orient you in the business of public speaking. They also put on an annual conference in Palm Springs every September. You can reach the Greater Los Angeles chapter at www.nsaglac.org.

Finally, many organizations and individuals sponsor two and three day seminars for speakers. At these events, five to eight speakers present on various topics ranging from speaking craft to selling yourself and your products to an audience. These are excellent for professionals such as coaches and consultants who want to use speaking as a way to grow their client base. The next such event in Southern California is the Speak Your Way to Wealth seminar in Newport Beach August 18 and 19. More information is available at www.speakyourwaytowealth.com.

When you speak and write as well as coach, you position yourself as an expert and create a magnetic attraction to clients who will want to work with you because you have knowledge and expertise above that of the average coach.

Lee Pound has been a newspaper editor, professional speaker, novelist, writing coach and consultant in Southern California for over 30 years. He is a member of Toastmasters, apprentice member of National Speakers Association, member of ICF Orange County and Professional Coaches and Mentors Association. He is the author of seven books, including editing Coaching for The New Century for PCMA, Fifty-Seven Steps to Better Writing, two novels and three books on family history.

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Eat a Spider to be a Success!
b y Bob Davies

It’s 7 p.m. and a group of business owners are returning from their evening meal break in an all-day conference in Toronto. I have just presented my Performance Excellence program after having been with this group six months ago. I’m sitting at a table, and a woman comes up to me and says, “I had to eat a spider because of you!”

Fortunately she was smiling. I said, “Tell me more.”

She told me that she had taken to heart my challenge on behavioral contracting. I had explained in my previous program how we are all wired to instinctively avoid pain and seek comfort. I mentioned that we can’t help this, we must act this way. It’s the way that we are. We are avoidance machines. I explained that this is perfect! Nature doesn’t make mistakes. We don’t have to change to have performance excellence. Let’s just tap into our avoidance mechanisms and avoid our way to the top!

Our brain is like radar constantly searching for the highest level of perceived pain. Once we lock into that perception, our entire mechanism of avoidance is turned on and we are compelled to avoid whatever activity has triggered the perception.

For example, if you are in sales, you may have decided that a necessary activity to build your business would be to prospect for clients. You intend to call on 20 people this week. You are motivated to do this. Before you take action, however, your brain will search like a computer looking for any links of prospecting to pain. Your brain instantly searches through all of your stored past experiences, and you dial into a past rejection, which is viewed as pain. This is the trigger. Now the instinct of avoidance kicks in, and your brain compels you to avoid this “painful” activity. Once you avoid, you further protect yourself from feeling guilty by justifying your avoidance with rationalization. You believe you are just too busy to prospect.

This is what will happen to everyone—unless there is an intervention. What must occur is to leverage the brain’s perceptions to lock onto a higher level of pain that will be avoided and compel you to take the desired action. You are looking to override the pain associated with the activity of prospecting with a more horrific perspective. That’s where the spider and behavioral contracting comes in.

A behavioral contract consists of a specific declaration (a committed action) plus accountability. Accountability equals the check in—did you do what you said you would do—and an enforceable consequence for non-performance, like a fine or eating a spider.

This woman at the conference told me that she would show her business opportunity to five people the following week, and if she didn’t that she would do some fine dining! The promise was realistic, but she got busy and failed to do so.

I thanked her for honoring her word to eat a spider if she did not show the business plan to five people in one week, and cautioned her to be careful with what she gives her word she will do.

Try this yourself. Make a commitment to a specific activity you will do over the next seven days, and then place a horrific penalty for non-performance. This can be a fine, $100, or an uncomfortable action—such as washing your neighbor’s car or even eating a spider!

As long as someone else will enforce the consequence, your brain will search and see the consequence as the higher level of pain and set the instinct of avoidance in the on position. You can’t stop the avoidance. In this case, you avoid the penalty by taking the promised action. You can avoid your way to the top.
Bon appetite!

Bob Davies is president of High Performance Training in Lake Forest, CA. Call
949-830-9192 or Email: Info@bobdavies.com or visit www.Bobdavies.com On-Line coaching www.bobdaviescoaching.com

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Coaching the Adolescent Child: A Guide for Today’s Parent
b y Steven Bush, MSW CEO Family Compass, Inc

“Wow, that’s great,” followed by the universal facial grimace and head nod is the common response I receive when I tell people what I do. “I am a life coach for adolescent children and their families”, is my answer to their question, and then I am told a story about their child, their friend’s child, their coworker’s child, or their neighbor’s child. They look at me with sympathy as if I have been given a life sentence having to work with a population that most parents fear and many people choose not to become parents because of.

“How do you do it?” is typically the next question I am asked. The answer to this question is simple and complicated at the same time. The simple answer is I assess each individual client and family for strengths and areas that need improvement and then together we create a plan for success. My expectations for an adolescent client and myself as his or her coach, is no different than my expectations for any other adult client.

The complicated answer is that I thoroughly enjoy the adolescent population and I approach each client with: Honesty, Humility, the Willingness to Admit my Mistakes, A Memory of my Childhood, and Respect. Each of these is critical in order to build rapport with an adolescent child as a Life Coach or as a parent.

Honesty is a tricky subject when it comes to parents and their adolescent child. Many parents fear telling their children the truth because they want to maintain balance in their home and giving an adolescent “bad news” (i.e. consequences or saying “no”) is like detonating a hand grenade in the middle of the living room. The mistake many of us make when we are involved with adolescent children is we surprise them with the truth. The truth should never be a surprise.

The way I use Honesty with adolescent children is that when I have a concern I share it, I do not wait for the adolescent to make my worst fear come true and then tell them I knew they were headed down the wrong path. My job is to identify potential problem areas and “preact.” I want to put a plan in place to prevent this problem area from becoming a problem (preacting). There is also a second reason why I like to share my concerns with the adolescent. If I am unable to prevent the adolescent from going down a path that we have agreed is the wrong path for him or her to go down, I am also establishing an agreed upon consequence for the behavior. I will develop a contract, sometimes verbal and sometimes written, stating that we have agreed that if this behavior takes place then this is the consequence that will be earned by the child.

When you take the surprise out of your expectations and consequences there is very little left to argue about. This approach worked with: my adolescent son, adolescents I worked with as a Social Worker, and works with my adolescent clients today. Take the surprise out and be honest with your child. It will be difficult at first but you will reap the rewards of less conflict and a better relationship.

Humility is also very important when working with adolescent children. Many parents and adults believe they must shove the truth down their adolescent’s throat until the child acknowledges the parent is right. Let me take you back to the most significant learning experiences of your life. Did you learn because someone made you learn or did you learn because you experienced it and then had the support of a friend or loved one that helped you through it.

Many of us as parents and adults tell our children if you do that behavior I will be disappointed, mad, take away your car for a month etc… What we need to instill in our children is when you make a mistake I will be here to support you. I expect most adolescent children will do things they should not do, the same things we did when we were adolescents. We all know forbidding an adolescent child from doing something is like throwing out the gauntlet, a challenge most adolescent children cannot and will not pass up.

Remember, it is not about you. It’s not about what you want or what you believe. It is about your child, what he or she wants and what he or she believes. Do not personalize what your child is doing but allow them to experience their life and be there, with humility, to support them through it. If every time you did something wrong your friend said, “I told you so” how long would you keep talking to this friend.

As parents and adults we are supposed to know everything and never be wrong. This is the thinking that gets many of us into trouble with our adolescent child. When a child is wrong, we expect the child to acknowledge he or she was wrong and take responsibility for his or her actions. Who is role modeling this behavior for them. If it is not the adults in their life then many times it is not being role modeled at all. When we make a mistake we must admit to the adolescent child we were wrong, apologize, and revoke any consequences that were given. This is critical in building a strong relationship with an adolescent child. The message we want to instill in our children is that we are all human, we all make mistakes, and when you do make a mistake this is how you should deal with it.

Another very useful tool we have at our disposal is remembering what it was like for us when we were an adolescent child. Do not make the mistake of expecting your child to be like you were when your were their age, because this will just create frustration in your life. The goal is to remember how much expectation your parents, teachers, and other adults put on you, the pressure you felt to act a certain way by your peers, the changes you were going through physically, and how every crisis seemed like it was the end of the world. Remember these difficult times, how painful some of these experiences were, and how difficult it was to always communicate with your parents about how you were truly feeling. When you can remember your own difficult experiences you will have more patience in dealing with your adolescent child when they are being disrespectful, swearing at you, yelling at you, and telling you, “You are the worst parent in the history of the world.”

Finally, remember that even though they may look like you, sometimes act like you, and have the same last name, They Are Not YOU! Our adolescent children are real people that need to be respected for their opinions, ideas, feelings and passions to take on the world. We live in a very diverse world with varying opinions on religion, politics, family values, work ethic etc… Most of us have friends that we disagree with and we accept them for who they are. When we do this with our adolescent children, respect their differences and not try to force them to be like us, we will see in front of us, not an adolescent child who is ignorant and foolish, but a young adult who is preparing for independence and the ability to take on the world with accountability and passion.

These are the tools I live by in both my personal and professional life. My adolescent clients and their families have responded well to these tools and I do believe today’s parents can develop a stronger relationship with their adolescent child if they consistently used these tools with their adolescent child.

If you have any questions, feedback, or would like to find out more about my life coaching services please access my website at www.FamilyCompassInc.com.